So, i have been thinking lately, and there are a lot of parallels between my old relationship, and my most recent one. Except the rolls were slightly reversed. Rather than me being the one who was broken up with, i was the breaker.

She definately loved me the way that I feel like I loved my last one, and I know that I loved her, just not as much as she did me. She definately helped me in every way, and I think she had a picture that I really wanted to go on a mission and that I was going to leave in March or something, and that we would stay together until I left. Obviously March has come and gone and I'm not on a mission. I don't really feel going, so I didn't. Anyways.

I think our breakups were really similar. We both tried to say that we should remain friends, that is, the breaker, wants to remain friends, but I get the feeling that it was difficult for her to be friend, just like it is difficult for me now. My problem is this... now that I know how difficult it was for her, or rather, how difficult it may have been, i don't really know, maybe she got over me in a few days, who knows. anyways, how do I appologize with out bringing up the same feelings that come up when my ex calls me? "Is she calling to appologize, is she calling to say that she was wrong?" Its a hidious paradox. I guess is will all work out in the end. or so they say.

So I spent the bulk of last Saturday at the goings on of my friend Jake's wedding. It was great. I really like his wife, and I think she is a really good match for him. One thing I noticed though, at the bachelor party, and standing around at the wedding, is that i'm the last one. out of all my friends, i'm the only one not married. Not that i had any grand ideas that i would be the first, but to be the last kind of sucks. who am i supposed to hang out with now? I have a lot of single friends, but they are all girls. and i don't really know how to hang out with them, without it looking like i'm interested in them.

so since the breakup, i've been listening to a lot of sad pappy music (hi fidelity reference, dang, thats another break up/ love story movie i gotta watch, i have been stuck on Playing By Heart and Garden State, but i digress). So i made a friend of mine copy this cd for me, and i have been mostly listening to the Damien Rice song Cannonball, and the Bright Eyes song Lua, and the Mark Kozelek cover of If you Want Blood by AC/DC. Anyways, I've been in a few relationships in my day, but i have ended all the adult ones, and this is the first one that got ripped away from me. I have always liked this kind of music, but now it sort of has more meaning. i've always felt an emotional connection to it, but i think now, i have a relation to it.


so tonight i have my first date since the breakup. i wasn't really excited about it or anything, but i am starting to be. at first, when i realized that I had to date again, i got pretty upset. the date wasn't really my idea, but thats ok. i'm sure we will have fun. after the breakup, i sort of said that I needed to be through with that before starting something else. My big indicator, would be that when I hear from her, or see her, that my immediate reaction or thought isn't that she's calling/texting/IMing me to tell me she was wrong or it was all a horrible mistake, which i definately did yesterday, but she messaged me today, and the thought didn't cross my mind. i don't really know if i am official over it, but here we go anyways. I guess dating is back, and its sort of back with a vengance, because I have 3 dates this week. I almost had 4, but there is a party i have to go to on friday. might as well jump all the way in at first right?

hopefully my sad pappy music doesn't drive them away, or make them think that i am crazy and will never get out of this wierd funk i am in...

So I decided that since i now have this affinity for sticking my fruit stickers to pretty much everything i can think of, that i could chronicle my sticker board in my office by posting about it. hence the FruitStickers blog.

Funny thing is, the whole fruit stickers thing is not really new to me. there was this girl in Jr High who was a friend of mine, who used to wear her fruit stickers throughout the day. she played softball and her nickname was fruity. Now, i don't want to be lumped together with her, but I think she was the first person i've ever know to do anything with fruitstickers besides through them away, or eat them unknowingly.

So this is also my first attempt at a blog. I have a myspace and all that, but i don;t really use it all that much. its for work, so i can do my little movie embeds and make "how to's" and stuff like that. but i do occasionally use it for its intended purpose.

Anyways. A while back i started eating at least an apple a day. rather than throwing away the sticker, I started sticking them to my monitor at work. pretty soon they covered the outside. I have since left that job, and started a new one. at my new job, in my new office, is a piece of sheet metal on the wall with some magnets on it. I guess its for hanging documents, but to me, it was a blank canvas. no there are probably 3 or 4 dozen stickers on it, and i put a few more every day. i'm not a collector or anything. i just like to keep stupid random things. I also notice them wherever i go. someone stick some to the elevator floor buttons a few weeks back. too bad i didn't have my camera, or i could show ya'll. sorry.

anyways. looks like this is my first post. thats all 4 now

So I bought the new Pearl Jam album about 2 weeks ago, and it hasn't left my CD player. I have honestly listened to this album more than I think I listened to Riot Act, and No Code combined (Yield and Binaural were great so I listened to them quite a bit too). Anyways, for anyone who hasn't listened to it, lemme know, I'll send u the tracks. Or just buy your own and support the record company....err the band I mean.

So the album is self titled... does that mean that its going to be their last album? I mean, who makes a self titled album as their 8th album? do u think they were just out of names? Also, at the end of the liner notes it says "Goodbye" I hope not.

Later!

So I was thinking about this the other day, and I realized that back when we were in scouts, there was this kid who came and always wore those little short shorts that scouts wear. it was our choice, you could wear the shorts with the knee socks, or the pants. most chose the pants, but this 1 kid chose the shorts. It didn't help that he had the biggest, whitest thighs we had ever seen, but after a while, he eventually developed the nickname, "Thighmaster". Sad thing is... I still see this kid at church or at activities, and the first thing to enter my mind about him, is that he was thighmaster in scouts 12 years ago. Should I appologize now? is it water under the bridge? Do you think people remember mean little nicknames like this?
I would think that people would tend to forget, as a friend of mine that used to be in the ward also called him those names, but he was friendly with him, at least a little. He pretty much ignores me. but then again, he pretty much ignores everyone in the ward. I don't want to say who he is, i've already called him enough names.
anyways, i was just thinkng out loud.